Personalize Communication for Better Relationships

Have you noticed how dependent we have become on electronic communication?  It’s becoming such an epidemic among our children that I fear they will all grow up being socially inept.  Have you seen the new T.V. show on ABC, “Selfie”?  It’s about an arrogant girl who spends all her time using social media and gauges her value on her social media ratings.  She has little or no interpersonal skills.  Although it’s a bit over the top, the message is clear.

Go anywhere and you’ll see a handful of people buried in their cell phones or tablets.  They’re not aware of where they are or who they are with.

I was recently in a restaurant where a lovely couple appeared to be celebrating their anniversary.  The scene was so touching and romantic..  There was a lovely dinner, flowers and gifts.  They looked so much in love.  I looked over an hour or so later and was shocked to find them both sitting quietly at the table staring individually into their cell phones!  This went on for the remainder of the night.  It was so disappointing.

This began in the eighties when electronic gaming became popular.  I know because my two sons were gamers then and they continue to be as adults.  I did my best to screen the games they played and monitor the chat sites they visited.  I was shocked to find out from both of them that although they can function in society, they both have social anxiety!

When I heard this, I was in shock.  How could my sons have social anxiety?  I’m one of the most social people around.  They were surrounded with people all their lives.  We had many parties and they always played well with the other children and were appropriately cordial and polite to everyone.  I believed them to be very well adjusted.  How wrong was I?  I believe that this is directly related to how much solitary time they spent playing video games and ‘chatting’ with their friends.

I’m not writing this to condemn social media or electronic communication.  They are both very valuable and amazing tools and I admit that hearing that whistle while I’m alone working is sometimes a welcome interruption.   I just believe that like everything else, they should be used in moderation and overuse can be destructive to communication.

Try making these changes for better relationships

A short text saying that you are running late is an effective use of texts but they should not be used in place of verbal conversations.  Firstly, you don’t have any guarantee that the message was read (unless of course you have an app for that).  Secondly, we never know HOW the message was received.  Did your lack of punctuation or your use of all CAPS change the message as it was intended?  Can you see the difference in the following examples and how they might affect a relationship differently?

I’ll text you later.

I’LL TEXT YOU LATER.

Are you guilty of text and social media overuse?  Look at your phone logs and text history.  Which one is longer?  Have you had to explain yourself out of hot water after a text was misinterpreted?  If you answered yes to the last question and your text history is longer than your phone log I’d like to challenge you to join me in a New Years resolution to become more intimate in my communications.

I will resolve to call first and make my phone log longer then my text history in 2015.  I hope you will also encourage your children to follow along with you in this resolution.  Remember that children learn by example.  If they see you using more personal forms of communication, they will follow suit.

Here are some simple things you can do:

• If someone texts you a question, call them back with the answer.
• Leave your phone in the car when you go into a store, the gym and most importantly go to a restaurant.
• DO NOT text (or read texts) while driving.
• Turn your volume down or put your phone in airplane mode and more often than every two to three hours.

I think if you make this a new rule for 2015, you’ll see a positive change in your relationships and just may accomplish more in the new year!

Let us know how this is working for you by leaving your comments below.

Wishing you a happy and more communicative New Year!

All the best to you Iliaiwi!